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From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. -Groucho Marx

A man should be careful never to tell tales of himself to his own disadvantage; people may be amused, and laugh at the time, but they will be remembered, and brought up against him upon some subsequent occasion. -Johnson

How much lies in laughter; the cipherkey wherewith we decipher the whole man! Some men wear an everlasting barren simper; in the smile of others lies the cold glitter, as of ice; the fewest are able to laugh what can be called laughing, but only shiff and titter and sniggle from the throat ourwards, or at least produce some whiffing, husky cachinnation, as if they were laughing through wool; of none such comes good. The man who cannot laugh is only fit for treasons, stratagems and spoils; but his own whole life is already a treason and a stratagem. -Carlyle

Humor is an affirmation of dignity, a declaration of man's superiority to all that befalls him.
-Romain Gary

Humor is laughing at what you haven't got when you ought to have it. -Langston Hughes

Humor is the sense of the Absurd, which is despair refusing to take itself seriously.
-Arland Ussher

If ridicule were employed to laugh men out of vice and folly, it might be of some use; but it is made use of to laugh men out of virtue and good sense, by attacking everything solemn and serious. -Addison

Laughter should dimple the cheek, not furrow the brow. A jest should be such, that all shall be able to join in the laugh which it occasions; but if it bear hard upon one of the company, like the crack of a string, it makes a stop in the music. -Feltham

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. -George Bernard Shaw

Madness, we fancy, gave an illltimed birth
To grinning laughter and to frantic mirth. -Prior

Man is the only creature endowed with the power of laughter; is he not the only one that deserves to be laughed at? -Greville

Since attaining the full use of my reason no one has ever heard me laugh. -Earl of Chesterfield

The most utterly lost of all days, is that in which you have not once laughed. -Chamfort

The sound of laughter has always seemed to me the most civilized music in the universe.
-Peter Ustinov

There are none more abusive to others than they that lie most open to i themselves; but the humor goes round, and he that laughs at me today will have somebody to laugh at him tomorrow. -Seneca

This sad little lizard told me that he was a brontosaurus on his mother's side. I did not laugh; people who boast of ancestry often have little else to sustain them. Humoring them costs nothing and adds to happiness in a world in which happiness is always in short supply. -Lazarus Long

We laugh heartily to see a whole flock of sheep jump because one did so; might not one imagine that superior beings do the same by us, and for exactly the same reason? -Grenville

What I want to do is to make people laugh so that they'll see things seriously. -William K. Zinsser

Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh. -W. H. Auden

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. -Victor Borge

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. -Mark Twain

When the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a thousand pieces and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies. -James Matther Barrie

A good laugh is sunshine in a house. -William Makepeace Thackeray

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence. -H. L. Mencken

No one has yet programmed a computer to be of two minds about a hard problem or to burst out laughing. -Lewis Thomas

... But if we laugh with derision, we will never understand. Human intellectual capacity has not altered for thousands of years so far as we can tell. If intelligent people invested intense energy in issues that now seem foolish to us, then the failure lies in our understanding of their world, not in their distorted perceptions. Even the standard example of ancient nonsense the debate about angels on pinheads makes sense once you realize that theologians were not discussing whether five or eighteen would fit, but whether a pin could house a finite or an infinite number. -S. J. Gould

Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps; for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be. -William Hazlitt

Science fiction is to the totalitarian state what Aesop's fables were to the institution of slavery in the sixth century B.C. It is, of course, subversive. By taking ideas too seriously, it ridicules people. But it depends, for its subversive power, on people who are smart enough to be afraid of laughter. Modern history, especially as it expresses itself in the totalitarian hockey puck, has an excess of almost everything except a genuine appreciation of the ludicrous. -John Leonard

Wit, n.: The salt with which the American Humorist spoils his cookery... by leaving it out.
-Ambrose Bierce

Where humor is concerned there are no standards no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will. -John Kenneth Galbraith

Humor is a drug which it's the fashion to abuse. -William Gilbert

The ultimate test of whether you posses a sense of humor is your reaction when someone tells you you don't. -Frank Tyger

The total absence of humor from the Bible is one of the most singular things in all literature. -Alfred North Whitehead

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. -Clive James

One of the world's worst questions: Haven't you any sense of humor? -Jane Goodsell

When I take the humor of a thing once, I am like your tailor's needle I go through. -Ben Johnson

To have a sense of humor is to be a tragic figure. -Marion J. Levy, Jr.

The man who sees the consistency in things is a wit, the man who sees the inconsistency in things is a humorist. -G. K. Chesterton

The difficulty with humorists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don't; whichever seems likelier to win an effect. -John Updike

It is the uncensored sense of humor ... which is the ultimate therapy for man in society.
-Evan Esar

I have a fine sense of ridiculous, but no sense of humor. -Edward Albee

Good humor is the health of the soul, sadness its poison. -Stanislaus

Cynicism is humour in illhealth. -H.G. Wells

A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself. -Jessamyn West

A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will keep him from the commission of all sins, or nearly all, save those that are worth committing. -Samuel Butler

A pun is the lowest form of humor when you don't think of it first. -Oscar Levant

Humor Its essence is love; it issues not in laughter, but in still smiles, which lie far deeper.
-Carlyle

Humor is wit and love. -Thackeray

Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over, and showing it principally on one spot.
-Josh Billings

Incongruity is the mainspring of laughter. -Max Beerbohm

An ounce of mirth is worth a pound of sorrow. -Richard Baxter

The vulgar only laugh, but never smile; whereas wellbred people often smile, but seldom laugh. -Chesterfield

A laugh is worth a hundred groans in any market. -Charles Lamb

Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps; for he is the only animal that is struck by the difference between what things are and what they might have been. -Hazlitt

Smiles form the channel of a future tear. -Byron

In a natural state, tears and laughter go hand in hand; for they are twinborn. Like two children sleeping in one cradle, when one wakes and stirs, the other wakes also.
-Beecher

Whenever you find Humor, you find Pathos close by its side. -Edwin Whipple

The secret source of Humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven. -Mark Twain

Laughter is not a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is the best ending for one. -Oscar Wilde

Humour is the contemplation of the finite from the point of view of the infinite. -Christian Morgenstern

Humour is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility. -James G. Thurber

A bitter jest, when the satire comes too near the truth, leaves a sharp sting behind.
-Tacitus

A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people. -Peter McArthur

The job of satire is to frighten and enlighten. -Richard Condon

When I take the humor of a thing once, I am like your tailor's needle I go through. -Ben Johnson

Keep your sense of humor about your position. -Donald Rumsfeld

'Tis not the fairest form that holds
The mildest, purest soul within;
'Tis not the richest plant that holds
The sweetest fragrance in. -Dawes

A good dinner sharpens wit, while it softens the heart. -Doran

After wisdom comes wit. -Evan Esar

It is a great misfortune neither to have enough wit to talk well nor enough judgement to be silent. -Jean de La Brupere

Logic is the soul of wit, not of wisdom; that's why wit is funny. -Lincoln Steffens

Wit is cultured insolence. -Aristotle

Wit is the rarest quality to be met with among people of education. -William Hazlitt

Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food. -William Hazlitt

Wit lies in the likeness of things that are different, and in the difference of things that are alike. -Madame de Stael

Wit sometimes enables us to act rudely with impunity. -Duc de La Rochefoucauld

Its body brevity, and wit its soul... -Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Let your Wit rather serve you for a buckler to defend yourself, by a handsome reply, than the Sword to wound others, though with never so facetious a Reproach, remembering that a Word cuts deeper than a sharper weapon, and the Wound it makes is longer curing. -Osborn

The next best thing to being witty one's self, is to be able to quote another's wit. -Bovee

Impropriety is the soul of wit. -W. Somerset Maugham

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit. -W. Somerset Maugham

This fellow is wise enough to play the fool; and, to do that well, craves a kind of wit.
-Shakespeare

Many live by their wits but few by their wit. -Laurence J. Peter

Levity is the soul of wit. -Melville D. Landon

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
-Woody Allen

Entropy isn't what it used to be. -Anonymous

Pizza is a lot like sex. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good.
-Anonymous

A signature always reveals a man's character and sometimes even his name. -Evan Esar

I didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain just to eat leaves! -Michael Rivero

Eschew obfuscation. -Anonymous

Suppose you're in a hypothetical situation... -Steve Wechsler

Where would we be without rhetorical questions? -Anonymous

Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions. -Henry N. Camp

Illiterate? Write for help! -Anonymous

Non sequiturs make me eat lampshades. -Unknown

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not. -Fran Lebowitz

Lotto fever hit New York again this week, and like the old saying goes, `You gotta be in it to win it...but first, you gotta have a dead end job so pathetic you're willing to kill five hours standing in line for a 1 in 25 million chance.' -Dennis Miller

It's a control freak thing. I wouldn't let you understand. -S.H. Underwood

It was mentioned on CNN that the new prime number discovered recently is four times bigger then the previous record. -John Blasik

...an animal loses not only its life but also its third dimension. -Roger M. Knutson

An Academic speculated whether a bather is beautiful if there is none in the forest to admire her. He hid in the bushes to find out, which vitiated his premise but made him happy. Moral: Empiricism is more fun than speculation. -Sam Weber

By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect "Hungry." -Gary Larson

I cannot say that I don't disagree with you. -Groucho Marx

Once you can accept the universe as being something expanding into an infinite nothing which is something, wearing stripes with plaid is easy. -Albert Einstein

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety. -Steven Wright

I think that all good, right thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that all good, right thinking people in this country are fed up with being told that all good, right thinking people in this country are fed up with being sick and tired. I'm certainly not, and I'm sick and tired of being told that I am. -Monty Python

If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: PRESIDENT CAN'T SWIM. -Lyndon Baines Johnson

We make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and then bid the geldings to be fruitful. -C. S. Lewis

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. -Anthony Burgess

Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over, and showing it principally in one spot.
-Josh Billings

He who laughs, lasts. -Mary Pettibone Poole

She had a penetrating sort of laugh. Rather like a train going into a tunnel. -P G Woodhouse

Do the joke. Get the laugh. Move on. -Michael O'Donoughue

Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand. -Mark Twain

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