I loved you like hell. That’s why it’s paining like hell. I don’t know why I do everything so passionately and my passion and emotion make me suffer to its extreme. In my life I feel like everything is transient. Like a handful of sand. No matter how hard I try to hold on to them they just slip away from me.

May be it was predestined. It was predestined that I can’t stay with you. I was a fool who didn’t understand. Actually, I understood. But then the war began. The famous war between the heart and the head! You know it’s normal. Because I had no other worries in my life. My heart said, “Don’t listen to your head. Just do what makes you happy.” I just listened that. And now, how can I complain? I knew I would suffer. I just knew it.

Here comes the day. Bindu wakes up from her sleep just now. Bindu, my sweet little daughter. Today she has become 20 years old. But I also possess the most common feature of the world as a mother. Still, when I look at her face I see the day when for the first time nurse gave her to me, on the July 12, 1988.

“Bindu, my daughter, what should I give you today? Some chocolates, or books, or flowers? What??” These questions are rotating in my head. But couldn’t choose anything till now. May be I am becoming old. Can’t think in an organized way anymore. But it’s also a question to research, whether I have ever thought before doing anything in my entire life!!!

Sometimes it feels like the ocean of emptiness is grabbing me, I am on my knees, pleading for returning my happiness. I knew that you would go. You were not meant for me. Because happiness doesn’t last long. Don’t know from where you came and blew me away like the withered leaves.

I told my heart to forget you. But it didn’t listen to me. It never listened to me. I felt I am happy with the moments you gave to me. I was happy with the twelve years I passed with you. No, I had no complains to you, nor to God. I had dreams surrounding Bindu. I was busy with my works. Didn’t even give myself enough time to think about anything. You know, Bindu sometimes fights with me. She asks why I didn’t choose anyone else as my life partner. How funny!!!! How could I !!!!! I had no place for anyone else. You know that. Bindu, my daughter, you know she fights too much. She says these sentiments have no value. She says I should have tried to forget everything and start a new life. Whenever she comes late at home and I scold her, she says, “don’t ever think that I would be like you. I will go against the wind.”

Hahahahahahaha !!!!!!!!! my daughter is so fool you know!!! Bindu, it’s your birthday. So today I am telling you the truth. I was also against the wind. But the difference is your point of view about going against the wind doesn’t match with me. That’s the difference. Yes, daughter I always pray that you will be like yourself. You will never conform to any rules or regulations. My whole life is the fight for your individuality. Foolish girl!!! May be you will never understand that you are nothing but the interpretation of my imagination.