1.

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over.
The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go."
The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"

2.

Two friends meet each other on the street. "hello! Where are you coming from?" asked Bill. "Oh, don't ask me! I'm coming from the cemetery. I just buried my mother-in-law" replied Sid. "I'm so sorry!" said Bill, "But why is your face scratched all over?". "It wasn't so easy!" said Sid, "She put on a hell of a fight!"

3.

Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

4.

Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Tommy: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.

5.

Caller: Hello, can I speak to ANNIE WAN?

Lady Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to ANNIE WAN!

Lady Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this?

Caller: I'm SAM WAN. And I need to talk to ANNIE WAN! It's urgent.

Lady Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well... just tell my sister ANNIE WAN! That; our brother NOE WAN was involved in an accident. NOE WAN got injured and now NOE WAN is being sent to the hospital. Right now, AVERY WAN is on his way to the hospital.

Lady Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Lady Operator: I'm SAW REE.

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!!

Lady Operator: That's what I said. I'm SAW REE...

Caller: Oh ......God!!!

6.

The little sexy housewife was built so well that the TV repairman couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the room, he’d near about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at her.
When he’d finished she paid him and said, "I’m going to make a . . . well . . . unusual request. But you have to first promise me you’ll keep it a secret."

The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. "Well, it’s kind of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind, decent man-- sigh -- he has a certain physical weakness. A certain disability. Now, I’m a woman and you’re a man . . .”
The repairman could hardly speak, "Yes; yes!"
"And since I’ve been wanting to ever since you came in the door..."
"Yes; yes!"
"Would you help me move the refrigerator?"