Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.