Perception of a patient:

I am so foul that I could not even manage to maintain my own reputation in my university during a master’s course. People dont usually understand my views regarding life. As i have primary or mild hypothyroidism and mild schizophrenia, so definitely my life could not be like a normal people’s life like everything in a perfect time like passing in class or marriage or income. Moreover, I am a female person, and we all know that the female’s status in our so-called society. And there is also a fear regarding normal people’s perception regarding my diseases e.g. if they know that I have some life long diseases, so I can lead a normal life like them or not.

The people in our so called society, usually they dont want to know how am I living my life here or I will be able to live like a normal person or not. They usually put me in a vulnerable situation when they are in a problem. For example, if any of the group-mates is in a problem or do something wrong, they usually put me in that difficult situation that I had done that wrong thing. It’s not like it is there conspiracy theory, but when they are in problem it is their easiest way of get rid of that problem. But I am not saying that I never do anything wrong/ faulty thing.

My concentration in the study gradually decreased because of my diseases, not because of diseases’ post effect, but because of the fear of society. People just saw the outer layer of a person in the society and comment and do what they want to do. There is no evidence based judgment.

And I also don’t say anything when they do the wrong thing or put me in the wrong position I just feel fishy and rotten when I usually heard those bullshits. And I don’t even explain to my closer classmates about what is wrong/right, because if they are close they should have some faith in me.

And in Bangladesh, where people can’t eat for once a day with full satisfaction, and where there is no role in the educational sector or family, and mental disordered people are not accepted in our society, how could I stay here in full extent of life. I could not find a single friend who after knowing my disease could accept me as a friend with the same respect as a human being or an individual.

Moreover, my parents are trying to arrange marriage for me without noticing about those disease and when I suggest to mention about my diseases before marriage , though I am not interested in reproduction of my kind , I mean diseased babies, that doesn’t matter to my parents . They are more willing to act like a parents’ of healthy child (though it is not true because of me), they are also afraid of the ethno-centric view of society, their status in the society, they don’t want to lose that. So if they say that I have disease, so i may not get a healthy husband or something like that.

Some people even act like I am insane or prostitute as I don’t want to marry in this point of life. Society don’t accept me as I am, they always try to pull my legs when they come to know I have some mental problems and don’t even give me any sort of respect, they don’t have any kind of knowledge about what is the disorder like or how much it could hamper my life, all they can do blaming, don’t even believe my words, hurting me in a aggressive ways to hurt even with harder thrust.

Now, what can I do? Where should I go? Do I need to lead a life with falsify my identity or which is not mine? or which I don’t want to lead as my life ?